How to Speak Without Anxiety

2007-08-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Communication and Lack Thereof

In the past few days I have overheard people discussing their problems. 98% of their problems come from poor communication, or miscommunication.

I still recommend a book that was originally written for parenting, but is one of the finest and easiest to use communication resources I have ever found. It is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

Happy talking and listening!

2007-08-17T06:34:00.000-07:00

People must first buy YOU and then buy your ideas. Most of us don't value what a person says if we don't first value the person.

Tell people who are, and why you are qualified to speak on your topic.

I am studying Storytelling and will give you ideas about how to better tell your story.

In the meantime, make eye contact, speak loud enough and slowly and help others catch your ideas.

Best to you,
Reesa
866/ 0K SPEAK 866/ 657-7325
www.ConfidentSpeaking.com
info@ConfidentSpeaking.com

2007-08-06T06:53:00.000-07:00

Setting the Tone

I volunteered for my friend Miriam who was the coordinator for the last Harry Potter book party at a major book seller chain.

When the cashiers finally were allowed to open up, there was a collective, “Whooop!!” among the hundreds of people in line. Many had come to the store in the afternoon to get their number of place in line.

A fellow screamed frantically into the microphone stating which numbers were next to be admitted into the store. He was a tired, burnt out employee. “NUMBERS 150 to 200!#!@!*!” He did that with the next several groups until I found Miriam.

I suggested that she let him know that he sets the tone by using that frantic, out of control, crazed tone. The people in line were already excited and tired – was he adding to the fun of the evening or setting things off in a negative direction? Although he felt the same, the next messages were delivered with strength and warmth.

ANY time you speak, you are an actor delivering your message in the best way possible for others to receive it; it doesn’t matter what is going on with you. If it is appropriate to tell what is going on with you - just deliver your message in a way that can be most easily received.

2007-07-31T13:36:00.000-07:00

This new study of the mind's workings is amazing and may help you -

“People tidy up more thoroughly when there is a faint smell of cleaning liquid in the air; they become more competitive if there is a briefcase in sight and more cooperative when they glimpsed works like "
‘dependable’ and ‘support’ - all without being aware of the change or what prompted it.”

I am always conscious of the environment during coaching and seminars - waaaaay more than I am at home. Materials on
tables are set out evenly; I clean up used cups (Avoiding their minds wandering to, ‘I sure would like another cup’) and food items and scraps of paper during breaks. I want nothing to be distracting or setting a tone other than the one I want, which is Clear-Clean- Open environment.

When you speak, arrive early and clear up the used breakfast/lunch stuff, other people’s charts and white boards, etc. I want them listening to YOU!

2006-12-26T17:51:00.000-08:00

Happy Holiday Season!

When you conquer anxiety in one area of your life, it makes it easier to overcome it in public speaking.

Years ago I examined the Beliefs I had about holidays. I had moved from my hometown to San Francisco and flew home for holidays. Someone asked, "Do you have to? Do you want to?" I answered, "No" to both and didn't fly back there for two years. I am not suggesting you do the same; just look at the beliefs that worked and did not work for you during this holiday season.

Anxiety lives between the ears.

Be well. Stay in touch,
Reesa
woolf@ConfidentSpeaking.com

2006-12-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

It is the holiday season-I am getting emails from people who have made toasts at weddings and family reunions. They get great feedback from others because they are actually controlling their anxiety and appearing confident!

This information works; I wish it would come in pill form, but it does work with regular application (take one skill and call me in the morning).

Be peaceful and well.
Reesa

2006-10-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

• “I want to live in a world of no frustration and no inconvenience.”
• “I hate change. I want to live in a dull repetitive world.”
• I lost my place in my notes; I am a total loser.
• I messed up that speech. I will never have a good career.
• I made mistakes. They will never trust me again.
• I did poorly. I am a loser. I will never be good at this.
• This is the end of the world.

Get rid of those thoughts, and you will become more successful.

2006-10-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

Watch out for these thoughts! These are the ones that will sabotage you.

* “Things shouldn’t be this way. This is not how I want it.”
* “I should be the person I want myself to be.”
* “Others should behave the way I think is right.”
* “I shouldn’t have to speak up!”
* “They see I’m uncomfortable. They should stop asking me.”
* “There needs to be an easier way for me to meet new people.”

2006-10-20T13:17:00.000-07:00

Change Your Thinking and Change Your Life

• Replacement Thinking means becoming aware of the irrational thoughts that race through your brain both when anticipating and delivering any speech, large or small.
• You can’t always choose what life throws at you, but you can choose the way you look at those things.
• You are trusted enough to deliver this information.
• Others respect your opinion.
• Since all humans make mistakes, you will make mistakes when you speak. The goal of perfection is a ridiculous goal.
• They will usually forgive you when you make a mistake or say something that is less than brilliant when you fix it immediately.
• Keep your same demeanor when you make a mistake-everyone gets uncomfortable when you look very upset and apologize over and over.

2006-09-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

Worry:

Worrying has never helped you accomplish you goals. It drains your energy. Preparation and right thinking helps you accomplish your goals and gives you energy.

When you catch yourself worrying about what might go wrong, force yourself to think of what might go right.

If what you are worrying about cannot be changed, make yourself accept it and stop thinking about it. Change your thought from:
- “That won’t change.”
to
- “I can still live my life even though that stays the same.”

If what you are worrying about can be changed, what are the steps to adjust it? Take the first step, in spite of any reservations.

Your subconscious mind helps to generate the world to match your thinking. Some people call it self-fulfilling prophecies. Make yourself see things as you’d like them to be.

Some people trust that there is an all-knowing power active in their lives, a higher power than themselves. They ask for help from this higher power and trust that things will work out for the best, even if not exactly matching how they’d hoped the results would be.

Start replacing negative and useless thoughts with positive and constructive thoughts.

Stop several times a day and notice what you are thinking. Ask yourself,
“Is this thought or belief helping me?”
If the answer is no, you have to change it. Force yourself to think the opposite.

You can also pretend a friend has your negative thought, and you talk that person out of it.

"You have powers you never dreamed of. You can do things you never thought you could do. There are no limitations in what you can do except the limitations of your own mind. "
Darwin P. Kingsley

2006-08-11T12:23:00.001-07:00

Myths

1. Everyone is busy watching me be nervous.
- No. Most people are thinking of themselves, thinking how your information will help them personally, thinking about the need to look at emails, thinking about lunch, etc.

2. They are mostly thinking of what others think of them and what they will say next to sound smart!
- They are Number One in their thinking.

Use this to your advantage to capture their interest and attention by starting off with how your information will help them.

3. They see themselves in you and remember when they were nervous.
- Really, they don’t care as long as they receive the information.

2006-08-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

2006-08-07T12:19:00.000-07:00

Situations
• With boss or one intimidating person – Read books on difficult people to get scripts and lines to use. Rehearse them with a friend who acts out that undesirable behavior as you rehearse to get used to responding.
• In weekly meetings – ask trusted participants for suggestions and have them coach you. Trust their perception of you more than your own perception of you.
• In larger, special meetings – Get there early and rehearse to the empty hall. Go to similar locations and rehearse imagining the real venue.
• Presenting to large groups – Speak to one or two people at a time and explain your ideas. Speaking naturally is preferred to giving a formal speech. Move your attention to others in different parts of the room.
• Have notes as insurance for when you lose your place. You are prepared, and just need a reminder.
• I’m interrupted – you have notes to find where you left off. You can ask someone to wait until you have finished. Rehearse this with a friend.
• Practice makes better (perfect is not a realistic speaking goal).

2006-08-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

Preparation Checklist

• Anticipate the worst situations and decide what you will do when they happen.
• Anticipate questions and practice aloud the answers you may give.
• Anticipate difficult people, even asking friends to pretend to be them, and try various ways of dealing with them during rehearsal.
• Rehearse. The biggest mistake people make is to say the speech aloud the first time to the important people. Make your first, rough rehearsal, by yourself!
• Use your final set of brief notes to rehearse.
• Write down every bad thing that could happen. You will probably get good ideas when you wake in the middle of the night worrying. Put them in a list. Next to each one, say what you will do if that happens. You will be much less fearful
• Plan for the worst, hope for the best

2006-08-02T13:24:00.000-07:00

Other ways to remain anxiety free:

• If others ask you to speak up, speak louder than you think you should. It may feel to you as if you are yelling; if colleagues tell you that your volume is good, trust their judgment, not your own.
• State your most important numbers and phrases even louder than your new business-loud volume to make them noticeable.
• Standing: Anxious people rock back and forth or pace. Stand in one place. Occasionally move a few steps but then stand in one place.
• Anxious people fidget with their hands; they touch their faces, scratch, put hands in and out of pockets or lock their hands and don’t move them at all. To appear at ease, use you hands to speak as you’ve observed yourself when you are casually speaking to a friend. You will look relaxed and natural.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. Throw off the lines and sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the winds in your sails. "
~ American Writer, Mark Twain

2006-07-28T12:13:00.000-07:00

Make yourself appear anxiety-free!

You can appear relaxed and confident even when you really don’t feel at ease at all.

Just imitate yourself on a confident day. Here is how to do it:

• Anxious people look at one person or one side of the room. Speak to one or two people for a sentence or two and move on to another two for the next sentence or idea. Appear anxiety-free by practicing this technique at every meeting you attend.
• Articulate all sounds in all words, especially completing the consonants at ends of words.
• People who are scared speak fast to be done quickly. Listeners can’t absorb their information and judge the speaker as nervous. Slow down in spite of your fears.
• Use American business-loud volume. Americans speak more loudly than other cultures. When people have a difficult time hearing you, they will stop listening. They have enough to do and don’t want to spend energy to try to hear you.

2006-07-11T11:04:00.000-07:00

What Doesn’t Help in the real world?

Beta Blockers do work, but you won’t have access to them when your boss says, “Why don’t you say a few words about that?!” It is better to practice these anxiety reduction techniques.

What else doesn’t work? Overeating, drinking, drugs, shopping, over sleeping, too much TV, too much Internet, too many movies, sex and gambling. Soothe yourself with preparation, not sedating yourself.

“It's better to look back and say ‘at least I tried,’ than look back and say ‘if only.’"

2006-06-30T11:29:00.000-07:00

Tricks others have used:

Winston Churchill would envision the listeners in their underwear.
See yourself as very tall and big and the listeners as small, little people.
Step out of character – Act as though you were the best speaker that they’ve ever seen.
Write your notes in pencil so that others can’t see what you’ve written.
Write or print out your notes in a large font so you can push them farther in front of you on the table and not have to look so far down to consult them.

2006-06-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

Beware of your thinking as you rehearse.

The frequent errors of thinking are:

Demanding that things be just the way you want them to be
Saying that things are AWFUL and TERRIBLE
A low tolerance for frustrating things
Thinking that a mistake invalidates you has a person

Keep the thinking to other parts of your life, overthinking public speaking is a fatal mistake.

2006-06-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

Rehearsal

Have you ever given the same information to several groups in several talks? Weren’t you better the third and fourth time than the first? That is why rehearsal is a good idea!

Rehearse OUT LOUD. Stand up in your living room or lock yourself in an office or the conference room and start practicing. Speaking aloud is very different from re-reading or whispering. Get used to yourself by rehearsing in virtual reality.

Rehearse to the wall, in the empty conference room or to your dog, but rehearse.
Use your final set of notes in your rehearsal.
The famous speaker Martin Luther King rehearsed parts of his “I have a dream” speech for months before he finally gave it in front of the Lincoln Monument in Washington DC.
Winston Churchill was anxious about speaking and rehearsed a great deal.
Even though you hate to do it and it feels silly, rehearse!
Do not stop and start over when you make mistakes. Instead, rehearse how you will fix it as you go on.
Try to get someone to critique the writing and how you present it.

2006-06-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

How can I just look quickly at my notes and still remember what to say?

Practice small parts of your speech when you have a few minutes between regular work. It is hard to find time to rehearse the whole speech.
This will get you used to your notes and make you see where you might want to add a word or pause.
Small parts of your speech will be more easily remembered when you have isolated them.
“Never let your fears become the boundaries of your life.”

2006-06-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

Losing your place or forgetting what to say

It takes three to 10 seconds to find your place and listeners are willing to wait since this has happened to them, too. Stop, look over your outline in silence and then go on.

You can say,
“Just a moment, let me find my place.”

You can repeat what you just said to get your mind back on track.

You can smile and say, “Just a moment.” and check your notes.

Slow down.
“Haste makes waste.”

No one has your notes and knows what you had intended to say.

If you want to make yourself crazy while you are actually speaking, allow your mind to punch you around when you’ve lost your place or forgotten what you had intended to say.
“Oh no, I’ve lost my place, they think I’m incapable, this is terrible”
is not helpful. This thinking causes your heart to beat rapidly, you stomach to turn and your mind to be less creative to think on your feet.

2006-06-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

Use Speaker’s Notes:

Even if you will never actually use them when you speak, have one or two sentence bulleted/outlined as insurance.
They give you peace of mind.
Professional speakers use notes when they speak. They don’t want to leave anything out and want to deliver the information as planned.
Notes that are written as whole sentences or in paragraph form are worse than useless! It is impossible to find your place and guarantees that you will get lost.
Should you memorize? You will look and sound surer of yourself when you just explain your ideas to others. Memorization carries with it much anxiety of forgetting! Often, people sound as if they are reading their information when they speak from memorization.
The recommendation is that your notes cue you to your idea and remind you of certain numbers or phrases.
Will you say things exactly the same way each time? No! As long as you have explained your ideas and not left anything out, you have done the job. Trying to say things exactly the same way is a source of anxiety.
Power Point – print out visuals three-to-a-page or six-to-a-page. Write your outline on those pages. As listeners are reading a new screen, look at your notes and smoothly take a full breath.

2006-05-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

Be prepared for typical workplace occurrences.
Why be surprised by circumstances that are typical and repetitive in the workplace? Act them out ahead of time with colleagues and friends and prepare for how you will handle situations that you see as performances.

For example:

Seeing your boss in the elevator or passing your boss in the hall and wanting to say a few words
Stating your and opinions ideas in a meeting
Contradicting someone at a group
Telephoning an intimidating person
Making a first contact telephone callJob interview with one person
Job interview with multiple interviewers

The Book of Lists by David Wallechinsky ranks the biggest fears Americans have...

Number One is public speaking. Number Six is fear of dying.
People would apparently rather be the corpse than deliver the eulogy!

2006-05-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

Isn’t it Easier to just Avoid Speaking?

The more you avoid what is scary, the scarier you allow it to become. Start small and speak up more frequently at a regular meeting. Make it a goal to speak early and only once in an important meeting. Practice makes it easier. Like other frightening things you’ve done, it will become familiar.

Expect to always have normal jitters and normal fears before speaking. These don’t go away. Enjoy the freedom of not allowing your fears to become the boundaries of your life.

If you keep saying to yourself and others,
“I don’t speak well. I’m really bad. I hate to do it”
you will keep yourself fearful.

Just because you haven’t felt you were successful in the past, or can remember difficult situations, you still can be successful in the future. To Avoid speaking will increase your stress.

Every time you speak in public it will be a little less demanding! So keep practicing.

2006-05-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

Handling Prejudice:

“Because I have an accent, some people treat me as if I’m stupid!”

If someone acts as if you don’t know what you are saying because you have an accent, you can say, “Yes, I have an accent, but I also know what I am talking about.”

Talk to these people about casual topics so they can get used to how you sound and can learn to respect you. Be patient with the ignorant.

2006-05-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

When you speak in another country, or if you now live in the US and were born in another country. What should you do with feedback from listeners?

If people have asked you to slow down, they have told you,
“You are talking but we are not receiving what you are saying.”
Is that acceptable to you? That you talk and people only receive part of what you are saying? No! Then s l o w d o w n, p l e a s e.

But what should you do when you do when you do not understand them?!? Ask, ask, ask for clarification without embarrassment. This shows that you genuinely want to receive the information. Repeat what you did understand (paraphrase). Then, they can agree or explain in another way.

You can say,
“Pardon, I didn’t catch that last part”
and tell them what you did get.

When you hear a new word or jargon, make it a game to use it three times in the next 24 hours to remember it and feel comfortable using it. When friends and your kids suggest a pronunciation improvement, play the same game with yourself.

Also, choose one word a day to say with an American accent.

Next, be more satisfied with your speaking performance by using notes, rehearsing, anticipating questions and having a friend coach you.

2006-04-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

When is an Accent a Problem?

An accent is a good thing to have – it makes you interesting and honors your heritage. The only time an accent is a problem is when people can’t understand 100% of what you are saying.

To battle the problems of having an accent:

Move your mouth more than you have done before to clearly say each sound.

Speak louder than you think you should and watch how infrequently your accent is a problem. Ask a friend and colleagues if you are too loud and adjust yourself according to their feedback, not your own ear’s monitoring.

You may speak very, very fast in your first language. Now you’ve given listeners two problems: 1. An accent
2. They must interpret blended, not individual, words.
Speak English slowly. Suddenly, people will stop asking you to repeat what you are saying!

More on this problem in the next post. Stay tuned.

2006-04-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation from the last post:

Know exactly what you first sentence(s) will be. Memorize a short opening statement so you will easily say it with eye contact on the listeners, not on your notes.
As often as possible, rehearse in front of someone and try out their suggestions.
Don't have any time to rehearse? Practice parts of your speech when you have a few moments. You will build your confidence when you know that you can easily deliver certain parts of your talk easily.
Don’t allow your mind to make you crazy! Write down your concerns and dispute the unrealistic ones.
If you are driving to a meeting, leave early to accommodate traffic problems and avoid added stress. Arrive early to make sure the sound system works properly. Ask for help.

2006-03-24T12:42:00.000-08:00

Checklist for Preparation and Anxiety Reduction:

Be prepared. You know that you have at least five minutes before you go into a meeting or make a call. Put bullets on a page and a few words and (not full sentences) of what you plan to speak on. This way you will not leave anything out.
Before an important talk, rehearse aloud with your notes. Only reading notes or mumbling through them is not real rehearsal. Use the same voice, eye contact, movements and visuals that you will use in the real meeting. It is best to practice in the real room you will use, or at least imagine it. The goal is to become familiar with your material and your delivery.
Get enough to sleep and eat real, not junk, food. Avoid caffeine, drugs, tranquilizers and alcohol since these stay in your body and counteract your normal skills. They are not helpful, no matter how much you may think so. You can control yourself without self-medicating.
Take a walk to release some energy and give yourself a reality talk.

"I am going to do well and when I make mistakes, I'll fix them. If I lose my place, I'll repeat what I just said"

"Just a moment' as I look at my notes. I will appear relaxed as I find my place. I have spoken in front of others before and I can do it again. I know what I am talking about. When I don't know, I'll find out for them."

Write notes in a large font so you can push them a little forward on the table and not have to look so far down to get your cues. If you must hold them, put them on heavy paper, look at them and hold them to your side as you speak, gesturing with the free hand.
Use your final set of notes for your rehearsal to become familiar with them. Use multiple sheets of paper with your visuals on them, note cards or PowerPoint speaker's notes on the laptop screen. Make them simple to be really useful.
Anticipate questions and practice aloud the answers you might use. Ask co-workers for suggestions.
Before speaking, look at pictures of your children, grandchildren or dog to help relax you and to remember that your life is more than this one presentation.

I will write more on what to do during the presentation in the next posting.

2006-03-14T12:44:00.000-08:00

Still need to be Perfect?

The only evaluation that counts is that people received your information.
Try for an excellent presentation, not a perfect one.
Put your attention on others instead of continually analyzing yourself and your actions. Think how you can make others more comfortable. Be interested in them.
Admit when you've made a mistake and are wrong. It is much easier to be a normal human than to always feel less than others because you haven't reached an unnecessary and unrealistic goal.
When you are doing new material, mistakes are normal and expected.
Keep your accomplishments in mind. It is very easy to keep only the mistakes in mind-don't fall into that trap. Appreciate that what you have done before required skills that will come through for you again.

2006-03-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Are you hoping to speak stress free?

Have you ever read that actors often throw up before each performance? And they are giving the same speech every night! It is tempting to compare yourself with experienced speakers and feel inadequate.

Stop those feelings by saying to yourself,

"That person is more experienced than I am. I'm improving each time I speak. Someday people will look at me the way I see these role models."

Experienced speakers have practiced looking calm and in control. But even they sometimes feel intimidated and anxious. They calm themselves by remembering successful times and using the same self-talk techniques that you will learn here.

The most helpful way to notice and fight against stress and perfectionistic thinking is to write down your thoughts as if you are writing a letter to a friend. The unconscious frightening thoughts causing your stress will show themselves as you write. When you are aware of your fears, you can discriminate between healthy and helpful ones and refute any that are irrational and causing you unnecessary pain.

You will usually experience some stress when speaking but never too much to cope with and tolerate.

2006-02-28T12:28:00.000-08:00

Perfectionism is a common goal when speaking.

How can you overcome the trauma of having to be perfect each time you speak?
Perfectionists tend to notice only their problems and errors when they speak. Perfectionists frequently ignore their positive speaking behaviors.

They think they must speak perfectly every time.

They often think that others can speak well but think that they never will.

“I can easily forgive others when they make mistakes and fix them. I just can’t forgive myself. I’m rarely up to my standards.”

These thoughts are ridiculous! Don’t allow yourself to be tormented by foolish expectations.

There are many things you do at work that must be done perfectly. Speaking is not one of them!

2006-02-22T12:15:00.000-08:00

Not all stress is detrimental...

The excitement you feel before a contest or tournament, or before walking down the aisle in a friend’s wedding is good stress. Adrenaline flows through your body and pumps you up to be focused on the event. Look at stress as energy being readied so you have enough excitement to do well.

The physical symptoms you feel when you are excited are similar to the symptoms you feel when you are anxious. These include sweating, upset stomach, dry mouth, and hands and voice shaking.

You have some control over your stress symptoms. Say to yourself,

“What I’m feeling is normal stress. It gives me energy.”

“I can do well even though I think I can’t! I will do the best I can. I’m only here to help them.”

How does this information help you when you are giving a speech?....

2006-02-22T12:03:00.000-08:00

To alleviate your stress, you need to talk sanely to yourself!

Some examples are:
1) “What if I don’t remember my next line?” “I will stop and look at my outline notes.” “I will say, ‘Just a moment’ as I check my notes or repeat the last thing I said to cue myself.”

2) “What if I can’t remember the right word?” “I will rehearse aloud in the empty conference room or an office so I can find which words I need to add to my notes.”

3) “What if I don’t have anything profound to say?” “I can agree with what someone else has just said.”

4) “What if I say something stupid?” “I will laugh at myself and maybe say, ‘I can do better.”

5) “What if I’m not received well?” “No one makes a goal on every play.” “I will ask others after the meeting how I could improve next time. I will replay the incident with me doing the new behavior to get comfortable for next time that happens.”

6) “What if I stutter and stammer?” “I will smile and slow down and begin that sentence again. I have no need to rush. My ideas are valuable, too.”

2005-12-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

Ego Anxiety

“There is too much to risk. If this speech is a disaster, I am a much less person. I am less than others if I don’t do as well as I would like.”

Challenge such irrational and unfair thoughts!

“My worth and value will be diminished and endangered.” “How much risk is actually involved? Are any of these situations deadly? Can others damage my own feelings about my own worth?”

“My value will be reduced. I don’t want to take the risk.” “I must agree with them to really make me feel that I have no value and I refuse to agree with them.”

“I make mistakes.” “Does this prove that I am a worthless person? Don’t I have worth even if I make mistakes some times?

“If I do something bad, my life is ruined.” “I’m proving that I’m imperfect, just like other humans.”

A good speech does not make you a good person. A bad speech does not make you a bad person. You are a person who occasionally gives good and bad speeches. “I accept myself as a fallible human. Sometimes I like the results and sometimes I don’t. I don’t like when I fail, but I accept myself and work on changing and improving. I’m interested in progress, not perfection.”

You make yourself anxious by letting crazy thoughts go unchallenged. No person or event can make you uncomfortable unless you, in your own mind, accept the judgment.

What is the risk? What is the significance of doing poorly?

“No one will respect or admire me.” “Do I really believe that others will not accept that I made a mistake and fixed it?”

How else do you make yourself crazy?

Your mind asks you reasonable and valuable questions like, “What if…”

“What if I don’t remember my next line?”
“What if I can’t remember the right word in English?”
“What if I don’t have anything profound to say?”
“What if I say something stupid?”
“What if I’m not received well?”
“What if I stutter and stammer?”

Your anxiety does not come from these questions. It is wise to anticipate problems and decide an appropriate way to behave if these things happen.

Your anxiety comes from the illogical and absurd answers you tell yourself!

2005-11-28T13:07:00.000-08:00

Dispute those thoughts about Physical Discomfort!

“I can’t stand it.” “It is bad but not too bad to tolerate. I can go on even though I am uncomfortable.”

“I feel lousy.” “I will do the best I can even though I don’t feel great.”

“I’ll never learn to cope with it. “I can ignore the physical feelings and go on.”

“I may as well give up right now.” “I’d prefer not to feel this way, but I can still speak up.”

“These feeling are proof that I will never be able to do this.” “Because I am uncomfortable for a period of time, does that mean I will never be capable, confident, successful and happy again?”

“It is awful to suffer like this. I don’t like how it feels.” “No one said I’d feel relaxed all the time. I can still do it.”

“It is too dangerous for me to do.” “What is the worst thing that could happen to me?”

“I feel terrible so I won’t speak until I feel comfortable.” “Everyone has some stress each time they start to speak. I’m prepared and I will feel better soon.”

How dangerous is it, really? Will you be physically attacked? Probably not. Will you be verbally attacked? Maybe - please prepare with others ahead of time and decide what you will say and how you will say it so that you will look secure.

2005-11-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

Physical Anxiety

Thinking, “I feel terrible. I hate when I feel this way” escalates the symptoms!

If you believe that -

Rapid heart beat
Dry mouth
Shallow breathing
Blushing
Upset stomach
Shaking
Sweating palms
Loss of concentration
Etc.

are really bad and terrible symptoms and that should not happen,
and all you can think of is trying to make them go away,
or if you feel that your are helpless when they occur and you may as well give up or avoid speaking entirely,
then you are not allowing yourself to have the complete life that you are due.

If you conclude that these symptoms are bad and need to be avoided at all costs due to happiness and success, you are thinking irrationally. These physical symptoms are just physical symptoms. Notice them and don’t think about them again.

When you have these physical sensations and think -

“I can’t stand it.”
“I feel lousy.”
“I’ll never learn to cope with it. “
“I may as well give up right now.”
“These feeling are proof that I will never be able to do this.”
“It is awful to suffer like this. I don’t like how it feels.”
“It is too dangerous for me to do.”
“I feel physically terrible, and that justifies not speaking because it is too hazardous.”

you will keep yourself fearful of ever speaking up.

2005-10-22T09:16:00.000-07:00

Now that we understand what anxiety is, we can start the process of battling it.

You may wish to avoid many things that put you in the center of attention, where your performance is evaluated and your comfort is at risk. You may have had an unpleasant speaking experience in the past and think that history will repeat itself.

All people feel discomfort when they do what they have not done before or must redo what had not turned out well before.

Here are some simple comparisons that will help you on the path to an anxiety free speech.

What you have allowed yourself to think vs. Your new way to talk to yourself.

A) This is too uncomfortable.
B) I can tolerate feeling uncomfortable. It will not last forever.

A) The bad things will happen again.
B) I learned from that mistake and have imagined myself doing as I wish I'd done instead of reliving the unpleasant experience.

A) It is too much effort and work. I can't do it. I'm overwhelmed.
B) I will get through it and learn how to make it even easier next time.

A) I don't know how to do it.
B) I will ask someone to help and coach me.

A) I'm frustrated.
B) I'd prefer not to be frustrated, but I will try again and again until I get it.

A) I'm fine speaking to four people, but more is too difficult.
B) I will speak to four people at a time as I look around a large group.

2005-10-17T17:05:00.000-07:00

The next question we have to answer is: What causes anxiety?

It is not the event that causes the anxiety. It is caused by your mind playing out the event.

Anxious thoughts arise out of the belief that you are in some type of danger and that your life is at risk. Obviously, your earliest ancestors sensed the actual danger of animals and attackers so their bodies reacted to fight or escape that danger. Is your sense of fear and worry over a speech equal to the need to escape an animal?

A phobia is the belief that something is very dangerous when it is only a bit frightening. The anxiety is out of proportion with the upcoming event. For example, if you are concerned that in a meeting you will make a mistake and then fix it, your minor fears are acceptable because it is normal to feel uncomfortable. Anxiety comes when the fear is irrational or excessive.

2005-10-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

To battle anxiety, we have to understand it first.

What is Speaking Anxiety?

Speaking Anxiety are the physical reactions to what we think about a future speech or remember about a past communication. At worst, it is a phobia - is worry that is out of relationship to the danger.

For example:

When he was performing at Carnegie Hall in New York City, the baritone singer Brynn Terfel forgot the words in the middle of a song. He laughed, told the audience that he had sung this song thousands of times and he had just forgotten the words. He checked with his pianist and continued the concert.

Popular singer Barbra Streisand forgot the words to a song 30 years ago and has had stage fright ever since.

Each person handled the anxiety in a different way, which was the difference between a good laugh and not performing in public for 30 years!

2005-10-14T16:35:00.000-07:00

Hi, I am Dr. Reesa Woolf from Http://www.confidentspeaking.com

I am new to this whole "blog" thing, but I am a part of many communities and hope to quickly associate myself with this new phenomenon.

I am always surprised when powerful looking people get anxious when they are faced with an act of public speaking.

Having a Ph.D in counseling physiology, I have had the opportunity to study the human mind extensively and have developed easy steps that anyone can follow to reduce anxiety and stress in everyday life.