Thursday, December 01, 2005
Ego Anxiety
“There is too much to risk. If this speech is a disaster, I am a much less person. I am less than others if I don’t do as well as I would like.”
Challenge such irrational and unfair thoughts!
“My worth and value will be diminished and endangered.” “How much risk is actually involved? Are any of these situations deadly? Can others damage my own feelings about my own worth?”
“My value will be reduced. I don’t want to take the risk.” “I must agree with them to really make me feel that I have no value and I refuse to agree with them.”
“I make mistakes.” “Does this prove that I am a worthless person? Don’t I have worth even if I make mistakes some times?
“If I do something bad, my life is ruined.” “I’m proving that I’m imperfect, just like other humans.”
A good speech does not make you a good person. A bad speech does not make you a bad person. You are a person who occasionally gives good and bad speeches. “I accept myself as a fallible human. Sometimes I like the results and sometimes I don’t. I don’t like when I fail, but I accept myself and work on changing and improving. I’m interested in progress, not perfection.”
You make yourself anxious by letting crazy thoughts go unchallenged. No person or event can make you uncomfortable unless you, in your own mind, accept the judgment.
What is the risk? What is the significance of doing poorly?
“No one will respect or admire me.” “Do I really believe that others will not accept that I made a mistake and fixed it?”
How else do you make yourself crazy?
Your mind asks you reasonable and valuable questions like, “What if…”
“What if I don’t remember my next line?”
“What if I can’t remember the right word in English?”
“What if I don’t have anything profound to say?”
“What if I say something stupid?”
“What if I’m not received well?”
“What if I stutter and stammer?”
Your anxiety does not come from these questions. It is wise to anticipate problems and decide an appropriate way to behave if these things happen.
Your anxiety comes from the illogical and absurd answers you tell yourself!
“There is too much to risk. If this speech is a disaster, I am a much less person. I am less than others if I don’t do as well as I would like.”
Challenge such irrational and unfair thoughts!
“My worth and value will be diminished and endangered.” “How much risk is actually involved? Are any of these situations deadly? Can others damage my own feelings about my own worth?”
“My value will be reduced. I don’t want to take the risk.” “I must agree with them to really make me feel that I have no value and I refuse to agree with them.”
“I make mistakes.” “Does this prove that I am a worthless person? Don’t I have worth even if I make mistakes some times?
“If I do something bad, my life is ruined.” “I’m proving that I’m imperfect, just like other humans.”
A good speech does not make you a good person. A bad speech does not make you a bad person. You are a person who occasionally gives good and bad speeches. “I accept myself as a fallible human. Sometimes I like the results and sometimes I don’t. I don’t like when I fail, but I accept myself and work on changing and improving. I’m interested in progress, not perfection.”
You make yourself anxious by letting crazy thoughts go unchallenged. No person or event can make you uncomfortable unless you, in your own mind, accept the judgment.
What is the risk? What is the significance of doing poorly?
“No one will respect or admire me.” “Do I really believe that others will not accept that I made a mistake and fixed it?”
How else do you make yourself crazy?
Your mind asks you reasonable and valuable questions like, “What if…”
“What if I don’t remember my next line?”
“What if I can’t remember the right word in English?”
“What if I don’t have anything profound to say?”
“What if I say something stupid?”
“What if I’m not received well?”
“What if I stutter and stammer?”
Your anxiety does not come from these questions. It is wise to anticipate problems and decide an appropriate way to behave if these things happen.
Your anxiety comes from the illogical and absurd answers you tell yourself!
Monday, November 28, 2005
Dispute those thoughts about Physical Discomfort!
“I can’t stand it.” “It is bad but not too bad to tolerate. I can go on even though I am uncomfortable.”
“I feel lousy.” “I will do the best I can even though I don’t feel great.”
“I’ll never learn to cope with it. “I can ignore the physical feelings and go on.”
“I may as well give up right now.” “I’d prefer not to feel this way, but I can still speak up.”
“These feeling are proof that I will never be able to do this.” “Because I am uncomfortable for a period of time, does that mean I will never be capable, confident, successful and happy again?”
“It is awful to suffer like this. I don’t like how it feels.” “No one said I’d feel relaxed all the time. I can still do it.”
“It is too dangerous for me to do.” “What is the worst thing that could happen to me?”
“I feel terrible so I won’t speak until I feel comfortable.” “Everyone has some stress each time they start to speak. I’m prepared and I will feel better soon.”
How dangerous is it, really? Will you be physically attacked? Probably not. Will you be verbally attacked? Maybe - please prepare with others ahead of time and decide what you will say and how you will say it so that you will look secure.
“I can’t stand it.” “It is bad but not too bad to tolerate. I can go on even though I am uncomfortable.”
“I feel lousy.” “I will do the best I can even though I don’t feel great.”
“I’ll never learn to cope with it. “I can ignore the physical feelings and go on.”
“I may as well give up right now.” “I’d prefer not to feel this way, but I can still speak up.”
“These feeling are proof that I will never be able to do this.” “Because I am uncomfortable for a period of time, does that mean I will never be capable, confident, successful and happy again?”
“It is awful to suffer like this. I don’t like how it feels.” “No one said I’d feel relaxed all the time. I can still do it.”
“It is too dangerous for me to do.” “What is the worst thing that could happen to me?”
“I feel terrible so I won’t speak until I feel comfortable.” “Everyone has some stress each time they start to speak. I’m prepared and I will feel better soon.”
How dangerous is it, really? Will you be physically attacked? Probably not. Will you be verbally attacked? Maybe - please prepare with others ahead of time and decide what you will say and how you will say it so that you will look secure.
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Physical Anxiety
Thinking, “I feel terrible. I hate when I feel this way” escalates the symptoms!
If you believe that -
Rapid heart beat
Dry mouth
Shallow breathing
Blushing
Upset stomach
Shaking
Sweating palms
Loss of concentration
Etc.
are really bad and terrible symptoms and that should not happen,
and all you can think of is trying to make them go away,
or if you feel that your are helpless when they occur and you may as well give up or avoid speaking entirely,
then you are not allowing yourself to have the complete life that you are due.
If you conclude that these symptoms are bad and need to be avoided at all costs due to happiness and success, you are thinking irrationally. These physical symptoms are just physical symptoms. Notice them and don’t think about them again.
When you have these physical sensations and think -
“I can’t stand it.”
“I feel lousy.”
“I’ll never learn to cope with it. “
“I may as well give up right now.”
“These feeling are proof that I will never be able to do this.”
“It is awful to suffer like this. I don’t like how it feels.”
“It is too dangerous for me to do.”
“I feel physically terrible, and that justifies not speaking because it is too hazardous.”
you will keep yourself fearful of ever speaking up.
Thinking, “I feel terrible. I hate when I feel this way” escalates the symptoms!
If you believe that -
Rapid heart beat
Dry mouth
Shallow breathing
Blushing
Upset stomach
Shaking
Sweating palms
Loss of concentration
Etc.
are really bad and terrible symptoms and that should not happen,
and all you can think of is trying to make them go away,
or if you feel that your are helpless when they occur and you may as well give up or avoid speaking entirely,
then you are not allowing yourself to have the complete life that you are due.
If you conclude that these symptoms are bad and need to be avoided at all costs due to happiness and success, you are thinking irrationally. These physical symptoms are just physical symptoms. Notice them and don’t think about them again.
When you have these physical sensations and think -
“I can’t stand it.”
“I feel lousy.”
“I’ll never learn to cope with it. “
“I may as well give up right now.”
“These feeling are proof that I will never be able to do this.”
“It is awful to suffer like this. I don’t like how it feels.”
“It is too dangerous for me to do.”
“I feel physically terrible, and that justifies not speaking because it is too hazardous.”
you will keep yourself fearful of ever speaking up.
